I don’t normally discuss on my fertility issues openly and this is solely because in my opinion, my struggle is very private and I would like to keep it between me and CheeseBoy. (The only time that we ever talked this issue openly is when CheeseBoy posted this on our blog) That is why when I had surgery earlier this year, I kept it very low key. Only a handful of people were informed and I even made sure these people were sworn to secrecy 😛 (Even my next door neighbours were wondering why I was at home for a whole month.)

Nonetheless, us not telling people or talking openly about our struggle does not mean we are not being positive about this whole journey. As matter of fact, we are very positive about it. But it is just not our style to post every single thing on social media. (CheeseBoy: There are boundaries between what is to be shared, and what not to be shared)

I’m lucky to have people around me who reminded me to be prepared for unsuccessful outcomes, and people who constantly reminded me that no matter what happens, I have CheeseBoy with me (insya’Allah). Not even once, I have ever thought that these people meant to harm me. I knew they were sincere, and want the best for me. Too much expectation is never good, if things go wrong, you will crash very badly. That is why now I am so much calmer in facing this challenge. I believe we can only try our best, but rezeki is still in His Hand.

However, going through with fertility treatment was never easy. First of all, the my gynae had recommended to fix my retroverted uterus, and I did not want to go through the surgery. (I had a history of being allergic to anesthesia. Years ago during a routine appendicitis operation, I had a severe asthma attack during the operation and almost cost me my life.) But alhamdulillah, we managed to go through this hurdle. I came to my senses and with Allah’s blessing, the surgery went well. There was a scary moment when I suffered low blood pressure after the surgery, and was forced to be under observation for hours and hours. But everything went okay.

Second, those pills I took were really horrible; I had hot flushes, shortness of breath, bloated stomach, skin irritations and my mood swings had turned from bad to worse. I am seriously amazed how CheeseBoy was able to tolerate me. Third, doing ovulation tests during office hours are never cool too! (I had to find excuses to escape ‘on time’ so that I could pee on the stick!)

Yes, I want a child very much… but I wouldn’t allow this target of mine to spoil my marriage with CheeseBoy. I’m glad that CheeseBoy and I are on the same page now in trying to get pregnant. No more blaming issues, nor neither of us saying we are not ready. We are trying, but we are not putting pressure on each other. Right now we are just enjoying what Allah has blessed us with. We have each other and we are not going to take that for granted.

We are not rushing, we are doing things according to our own pace, and we are enjoying this journey together. It truly is a very beautiful journey for us. We understand each other even better now.

If you ask me whether I’m willing to adopt? My answer would be no. Oh well, at least at the moment. We are not done trying just yet.

Meanwhile, please allow us to be us. We truly respect how others would like to deal with their own struggles, and others may have their own ways to do it. To each his and her own.

From our readers, we humbly seek your prayers, positivity, and kind thoughts. Your continuous support always means the world to us.

Thank you.

Yours Truly,

Belacan Girl