Usually it’s women who like to talk about pregnancy. Today, I would like to talk about trying to conceive from a husband’s perspective.
If you’re a loyal BGCB follower, you would have noticed that we have never posted pictures of our children. The reason is we have not been blessed with any…. yet.
We are a couple in our mid-30s, and we’ve been married for 10 years. The truth is we have been trying to get pregnant for quite some time. We have our reasons, mostly biological, and something we could not avoid. I as a husband find it extremely insulting when old folks (whose mouths are gateways to hell) put the fault on my wife. It’s extremely unfair to her, and it pains me to the core when people ask us ‘How many children do we have?’ or ‘Tak ada anak lagi ke?/No children yet?’. Seriously, those questions are like knives being stabbed into my heart. (It’s another reason why I don’t like hari raya, where we meet with strange i-don’t-know-you-why-you-interested-in-our-personal-lives relatives.) To have a child, it takes BOTH a sperm and an egg. Our society’s mistaken notion is that wives are always the defect. Typical kampung mentality which disgust me. The husband could be guilty as well. Those little tadpoles might be defective or deficient or plain lazy… God and the gynae only knows!
Like any sane man, I would like to have offsprings who would carry on my cheese-filled bloodline. And I sincerely hope they would be good, kind people who benefit mankind.
But for the time being, this has not happen yet.
I’ve heard of many men taking on additional wives just because their first wife couldn’t conceive. In my opinion, this is just plain selfish. Just because she can’t have your child, you instantly look for others who could? I feel this is disloyalty in the highest degree. Your wife is your constant life companion, not just a soul-less baby factory.
More than anything, I share my wife’s sadness. Sometimes she says I don’t understand her, but I do. I share her pain every single day, every single time an idiot make a callous remark on our childless status. She says women don’t feel complete if they can’t bear children. It’s the very nature of womenkind to breed and raise little humans. Sometimes we cry together whenever we’re reminded that we don’t have children yet. And it pains us greatly to see children being born and thrown away like garbage, when we’re trying so hard to have even one. Life sometimes is so unfair.
We’re lucky in a sense to have a few friends who are in the same boat with us. They are in their mid-30s also and have trouble in getting pregnant. We support each other as we go through the trials of countless gynae visits, painful surgeries and procedures, etc. It’s good to have a support group.
The issue of conceiving I will leave it to the Creator. We may or may not have children, but we leave it to Him to decide. Everything happens according to His Plans. We can only try our best. The Prophet Zakaria (alaihisalaam) and his wife had their first child when they were really old. Anything can happen if we have faith in Him.
(This dude said it best. Ameen)
2 thoughts on “The Challenge of Childless Couples”
Not having children after being married for so many years is not the end of the world. Leave it to Allah. Do not despair. Keep on trying. I love my children all the same whether they can give me grandchildren or not. What is important take good care of each other, love each other and be near to ALLAH at all times. As often said: “Apa yang berlaku ada hikmah di baliknya”. It’s common for people to comments. Don’t take it seriously. I was always asked too and I simply answered ” Itu urusan Allah.”
We can only try our best and leave to Allah on the rest.