In my line of work, we sometimes construct profiles of customers in which we give labels to specific groups of people who behave similarly. It’s quite fun. After years of being on social media (too long I think by now), I’ve taken the liberty of doing my own profiles of those on social media. Here are some profiles you might be familiar with.

The Stalker:
Lurks in the shadows. Often checking out your posts/timeline without commenting or liking. Pretend they don’t follow you, but they actually follow you like their favourite reality show.

The Politician:
Often posting political posts. BN/Pakatan supporters in their attempts to ‘convince’ others of their point of views. Gets worse during election times.

The Ustaz/Ustazah/Priest:
These types always post something religious. Often times pointing out other people’s sins, in the hope that all of us taubat or repent. Mostly holier than thou posts.

The Proud Mommies:
Constantly posting up their children’s photos. Secretly hoping people to comment “Comelnya!”, “You’re a good mommy!”, or just wanting people to like their baby’s photos. (On another note, baby photos really do get lots of likes. Cute factor.)

The Wishy Washies:
They post something or comment your status, then delete. (Err, don’t they know there’s something called an EMAIL NOTIFICATION? We still see that comment you deleted, dude.)

The Uninvited:
When you post foodie or holiday pictures, they always say “Tak ajak pun!” Sigh. If you’re invited, then you’re invited. Can’t invite you all the time lah. (And btw, did you send me an invite to your weekend BBQ?) These people tend to post uninvited comments too. You know what I mean.

The Serial Salesperson:
They only use social media to sell stuff. Own business mostly selling cakes, handbags, cookies, even MLM stuff. It gets worse during festive periods like hari raya.

The Attention Seeker:
Almost similar to the Mommies, they post something, and then secretly hope other people like or compliment them. Up to you whether to indulge them or not.

The Instagram Chefs:
Most women are guilty of these one way or another. They like to show off what they cook, while at the same time making other people hungry. Warning: Do not look at these posts when you’re trying to diet.

The Young-At-Hearts:
Mostly baby boomers, they are unfamiliar with social media etiquette, or using computers, or smartphones. They usually take what it posted literally, word for word. Usually unable to read between the lines, or understand the nuances of the language of Gen-X’ers, Gen-Ys, or millennials. These YAHs will mostly likely be you’re parents or grandparents or old uncles or aunts or just plain old people.

The Complainers:
These type complain about EVERYTHING! Seriously, EVERYTHING! Nothing is ever right for them. And they like to post anything that support or legitimize their complaints. They will mostly likely complain about this post as well. They are constantly depressed people with chips on their shoulders. Jangan cuit.

The Sunshine Crazies:
These are constantly positive people. They try to motivate you that life a bowl of cherries, and the sun always shine brightly. They are crazy, nutty people. If you’re positive and chirpy all the time, then something is wrong with you. Humans are just not built to stay in one mood or emotion all the time. It’s the opposite of bi-polar; It’s uni-polar!

The Spammers:
Ooops. We’re guilty of this, since we spam your timelines with BGCB posts!

The Successful People:
These are people who don’t waste time on social media and actually do work! They’re probably big bosses, or multi-millionaires and people who are constantly working on ways to further improve humanity. They don’t have time to indulge people like us social media miscreants. They have bigger things to do.

So which one are you?